I was touched to receive the card which contained wishes for a Blessed Christmas and hopes that I would "use (the gift) to store many more happy memories in the future"
my life's a pretty mess right now. and it's not just mine. someone told me, friends go through thick and thin together, i'm glad we're in this together. haha, best friends to the end. haha wtf, we really dug a good one for ourselves this time.
perhaps over time, feelings take root. honestly, i have no idea how everything will turn out. i'm tired of thinking, tired of feeling.
on a scale of one to f*ed up, yesterday night was totally up there. sometimes, i wonder what i owe B, where do i draw the line? i feel guilt, definitely that. but how can he expect me to do anything when i honestly, don't even know him? and how can he say he really likes me when i feel like he doesn't even know me? and how deep do his feelings run? because at the end of the day, that's what makes all the difference. i was working under the assumption i was one of many girls, so i didn't really consider his feelings, i just did what i wanted to do. but yesterday, i don't know, i'm starting to think i misjudged the situation-- it required more care than i took. :(
and perhaps, i should have been the one to take care of him and send him home. i wanted to, it was killing me inside to stand on the sidelines. it set the tone for the whole night, only towards the end did simone and i go TOTALLLYY crazy, dancing (crazily) like no one was watching, lol, i love my bitch SOO much.
thinking about it, i don't regret my decision, sijing obviously cares for him, letting her be the one to take care of him and send him home was right. after all, he deserved someone better. so even though i'm the one who appears to be a bastard, i hope he sees that it was for his own good. honestly. but i do still feel guilty, esp when ben told me i should have been the one to take care of B, that's what B would've wanted. plane crash, still got blackbox. haha, that's one way to put it.
hmm. idk. i guess i'm sorry. i seem to always be owing B something or other and it makes me a horrible human being, but it really feels like my hands are tied.
ok. i officially miss melbourne
Close friends should know that given a choice, I am not a person who expresses affection through touch, and that it takes a lot for me to offer a hug. I remember wondering how people can freely hug strangers when I watched the "free hugs" video on youtube a couple of years ago. I have to admit that I do find it awkward to hug my friends at times.
Last Sunday, I was Barney for an hour. I can't decide if I was giving or receiving the free hugs, but I enjoyed myself thoroughly in the costume. Albeit I was constantly wondering how I look dancing to the nursery rhymes, having the kids run up to me and shout "I love you" reminded me of childlike innocence. Children have no qualms about wearing their hearts on their sleeves, no worries about having their trust abused and not afraid to be mishandled.
Along the way in our lives, we begin to feel half-heartedly.
"I believe you" but deep down we second guess
"I appreciate what you do for me" but this is too good to be true
"I want to grow old with you" but we're not sure if this is love or due to habit
Personally, I think I have forgotten how to feel wholeheartedly
- Mood:
nonchalant
</a>
so i've decided to go to zouk out tnight. with much persuasion.
armins only spinning at 5am wtffff.
so jealous
):
):
- Mood:
envious
I love this line.
Frame everything with this and things that don't go your way are just a little bit better to deal with.
That aside, there are somethings that do matter immediately.
Today, I have renewed and sealed my faith in FATE.
Josh, M and I were in the car eating subs cause i was being such a princess and i just didn't wanna eat outside cause i just really felt like i was melting (avy will understand) and so since the car was nearby i was like, okay guys we are going to eat in the car.
So we did.
And just as josh and M were making fun of how i like to illegally station my car at the driveway whenever i feel like it despite it being common knowledge that i SHOULDN'T, along comes a campus security person. Or some sort of traffic police authority dude, i was kinda panicky so i didn't really notice properly. So anyway, i started backing up and reversing and it took about 2-3 minutes cause reversing on a bend is not like driving on a straight. Just as i was about like, one car-space away from my initial position A LARGE TREE BRANCH BROKE OFF AND CAME CRASHING DOWN ONTO THE PAVEMENT, RIGHT WHERE MY CAR WAS BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!
I KIDD YOU NOT! And it wasn't some smallish branch. It was pretty big and it SO would have dented the top of the car! And M says natural inflictions of damage on the car is not covered in insurance! So i SERIOUSLY WOULD HAVE DIED FIXING THIS PROBLEM.
So my point is: FATE REALLY EXISTS. If that man didn't decide to pop by that area and give me a cold look through his gold rimmed black lense aviators (nice!!!), i wouldnt have moved and that would be THE END of me and my weekend. And the rest of the holidays too. It's really not as if i don't have anything else to worry about!
On other fronts, Med people are done with their exams. Josh and M really looked like the paper fried their brains like eggs - Caused "Brain Failure", as M put it. It was privately hilarious that they took every opportunity to slouch and lounge around hahahaha, in the car, at island creamerie, and in the car again etc etc. i wanted to make fun of them but i figured it would be in poor humour because they did just finish their exams.
But what's really hilarious but not so funny is M mounting the kerb VERY BADLY and Josh driving at 60-70 on the road. I know it's the speed limit, but no one gets anywhere in a quick fashion at 60-70!!! What is the car FOR if you don't at least take to the streets at 70-80, where there are no cameras! lol. but okay, he did have a point in pointing out that i tail gate somewhat and don't give enough leeway to the vehicle infront. NOTED TO SELF.
Lastly, I need to get to sleep EARLY
WHY?
COUNCIL PHOTOSHOOT.
SERIOUSLY! :\ But no choice...
Frame everything with this and things that don't go your way are just a little bit better to deal with.
That aside, there are somethings that do matter immediately.
Today, I have renewed and sealed my faith in FATE.
Josh, M and I were in the car eating subs cause i was being such a princess and i just didn't wanna eat outside cause i just really felt like i was melting (avy will understand) and so since the car was nearby i was like, okay guys we are going to eat in the car.
So we did.
And just as josh and M were making fun of how i like to illegally station my car at the driveway whenever i feel like it despite it being common knowledge that i SHOULDN'T, along comes a campus security person. Or some sort of traffic police authority dude, i was kinda panicky so i didn't really notice properly. So anyway, i started backing up and reversing and it took about 2-3 minutes cause reversing on a bend is not like driving on a straight. Just as i was about like, one car-space away from my initial position A LARGE TREE BRANCH BROKE OFF AND CAME CRASHING DOWN ONTO THE PAVEMENT, RIGHT WHERE MY CAR WAS BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!
I KIDD YOU NOT! And it wasn't some smallish branch. It was pretty big and it SO would have dented the top of the car! And M says natural inflictions of damage on the car is not covered in insurance! So i SERIOUSLY WOULD HAVE DIED FIXING THIS PROBLEM.
So my point is: FATE REALLY EXISTS. If that man didn't decide to pop by that area and give me a cold look through his gold rimmed black lense aviators (nice!!!), i wouldnt have moved and that would be THE END of me and my weekend. And the rest of the holidays too. It's really not as if i don't have anything else to worry about!
On other fronts, Med people are done with their exams. Josh and M really looked like the paper fried their brains like eggs - Caused "Brain Failure", as M put it. It was privately hilarious that they took every opportunity to slouch and lounge around hahahaha, in the car, at island creamerie, and in the car again etc etc. i wanted to make fun of them but i figured it would be in poor humour because they did just finish their exams.
But what's really hilarious but not so funny is M mounting the kerb VERY BADLY and Josh driving at 60-70 on the road. I know it's the speed limit, but no one gets anywhere in a quick fashion at 60-70!!! What is the car FOR if you don't at least take to the streets at 70-80, where there are no cameras! lol. but okay, he did have a point in pointing out that i tail gate somewhat and don't give enough leeway to the vehicle infront. NOTED TO SELF.
Lastly, I need to get to sleep EARLY
WHY?
COUNCIL PHOTOSHOOT.
SERIOUSLY! :\ But no choice...
- Mood:
contemplative
Just like that,
I'm not going to Paris.
Why does it hurt so much ?
It shouldn't.
Like avy said, what makes me think that Paris won't be there for when i CAN go?
It's not like it's Venice and sinking.
Right?
Right.
If you see me and you've read this, please don't talk about Paris LOL
I will be a mess, i promise! (:
But for now, it hasn't really sunk in yet, so i just feel
like
PUKING my Mcspicey supper.
That's about it.
I'm not going to Paris.
Why does it hurt so much ?
It shouldn't.
Like avy said, what makes me think that Paris won't be there for when i CAN go?
It's not like it's Venice and sinking.
Right?
Right.
If you see me and you've read this, please don't talk about Paris LOL
I will be a mess, i promise! (:
But for now, it hasn't really sunk in yet, so i just feel
like
PUKING my Mcspicey supper.
That's about it.
- Mood:
nauseated
met jun in the day yesterday, missed her a whole fucking lot.
went to zouk yesterday too. fucking packed, but thanks to pei's friend we were hanging at members everytime it got overboard. was veryyyyy drunkkkkkk. but i, for sure, wasn't the only one, bumped into CL who was wasted with a capital W but nevertheless, very very cute.
am thinking of gg for zoukout. sexboy armin + sg party people.....jan and all coming down from jkt too. tempting. very. but idk....my party stamina is a fat 0 now as compared to well, 2 years ago. not too sure about the sweat and sand either...
and moreover, armin is armin, but i know im not going to enjoy much without the appropriate party stuff.
met ping tday for starbucks, talked our hearts out. its nice knowing she's really happy w hansel and today! i finally met him, well, kinda.
jeans coming back this sat, am anticipating....ok, i just need the best friend to hear me rant how much i miss wely because she'd understand, unlike other friends who'd be rolling off their eyeballs telling me it's only been...well, less than a week.
and yes, i really miss you, wely.
went to zouk yesterday too. fucking packed, but thanks to pei's friend we were hanging at members everytime it got overboard. was veryyyyy drunkkkkkk. but i, for sure, wasn't the only one, bumped into CL who was wasted with a capital W but nevertheless, very very cute.
am thinking of gg for zoukout. sexboy armin + sg party people.....jan and all coming down from jkt too. tempting. very. but idk....my party stamina is a fat 0 now as compared to well, 2 years ago. not too sure about the sweat and sand either...
and moreover, armin is armin, but i know im not going to enjoy much without the appropriate party stuff.
met ping tday for starbucks, talked our hearts out. its nice knowing she's really happy w hansel and today! i finally met him, well, kinda.
jeans coming back this sat, am anticipating....ok, i just need the best friend to hear me rant how much i miss wely because she'd understand, unlike other friends who'd be rolling off their eyeballs telling me it's only been...well, less than a week.
and yes, i really miss you, wely.
wsodeirfjsgfohadsgfijlkfg i was trying to speed-read and catch up on everything lj i have missed over the past couple of days, BUT YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, OKAY. i only have, like 20 minutes, I CAN'T READ THAT FAST.
catch me up if i've missed anything important! ILU ALL AND I WANT TO KNOW, OKAY. i should go for breakfast now, but i am sadfacing at the idea that idk when i'll be on next.
ALSO. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE VIRTUAL SNOWFLAKE COOKIE THINGS. i had no idea what those were and suddenly i was flooded with all these lovely messages and adifuosjdfhsoifd. you GUYS~ you are all too awesome to me, okay, I WISH I'D BEEN HERE TO SEND SOME LOVE BACK. ♥__♥
oh! AND. the most interesting thing about this trip so far is that i have started a running joke about jacob black being my husband. and my ENTIRE COMPANY OF COUSINS AND SIBLINGS (which is, like, idk, 8 in total or something) are totally indulging me with it. it's awesome. they're awesome. ilthem. plus we've eaten something like 7 ice cream cones per person over the last 4 days. in the middle of winter. life is grand.
okay, BREAKFAST TIME.
i should remind myself to get a jacob/taylor lautner icon.
this post is totally incoherent.
catch me up if i've missed anything important! ILU ALL AND I WANT TO KNOW, OKAY. i should go for breakfast now, but i am sadfacing at the idea that idk when i'll be on next.
ALSO. THANK YOU ALL FOR THE VIRTUAL SNOWFLAKE COOKIE THINGS. i had no idea what those were and suddenly i was flooded with all these lovely messages and adifuosjdfhsoifd. you GUYS~ you are all too awesome to me, okay, I WISH I'D BEEN HERE TO SEND SOME LOVE BACK. ♥__♥
oh! AND. the most interesting thing about this trip so far is that i have started a running joke about jacob black being my husband. and my ENTIRE COMPANY OF COUSINS AND SIBLINGS (which is, like, idk, 8 in total or something) are totally indulging me with it. it's awesome. they're awesome. ilthem. plus we've eaten something like 7 ice cream cones per person over the last 4 days. in the middle of winter. life is grand.
okay, BREAKFAST TIME.
i should remind myself to get a jacob/taylor lautner icon.
this post is totally incoherent.
OMG IT'S ALL OVER! FINALLY!
I am officially on the Christmas Break.
I am officially on the Christmas Break.
But
I am working tomorrow :\ This sucks but no choice.
Other things to get cracking on:
1. NUSSU Website content (find the notebook and the notes with everything inside, FIND IT FIND IT FIND IT)
2. BOULEVART WEBSITE (what is it with me and websites?!?!)
3. BOULEVART DIRECTION AY0910 SEM 2
4. Replacing Hycis (SIGH)
5. Reviewing member commitment (SIGH)
6. Arts Buzz Exhibition - Date, Projet, Who is involved?
7. See Caryn's list for more details
8. Pay hostel fees (check if enough cash)
9. Mom's cheque- Deposit
10. LA Wish-list for UO and Nine West to mom ASAP
11. (Add to 10) Include Aveeno and Bath & Body Works Stuff
12. PHOTOJOURN PROJECT (this is the ONLY thing on this list i really want to do. Aside from number 13. Which is as follows,)
13. MEET ALL THESE PEOPLE BEFORE 2010:
And Tiffy if you read this you're not there because i thought you weren't coming home!
Anyone else i missed, please comment! (haha)
OKAY BYE, I AM GOING TO SLEEP BEFORE 12AM AND WILL EVEN DIE TRYING
It's like a deprived privilege or something.
- Mood:
moody
dan zw and kenny came over for dinner tday..
had a good catchup with the boys.
more meetups this week!
had a good catchup with the boys.
more meetups this week!
Need this in Singapore NOWWWW. And not overpriced like crazy please! Omg. *_*
After great pain, a formal feeling comes --
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs --
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?
The Feet, mechanical, go round --
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought --
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone --
This is the Hour of Lead --
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow --
First -- Chill -- then Stupor -- then the letting go --
You were always a trend-follower. At least I stuck to what I knew.
In Denmark now! Though don't ask me how it is haha I haven't gone out AT ALL. Anyway I am sooo bored now.
BUT. THE INTERNET IS CRAZY FAST. *downloads*
Ok I hope I don't get arrested. :X
BUT. THE INTERNET IS CRAZY FAST. *downloads*
Ok I hope I don't get arrested. :X
I am quite sick
of doing the practical thing.
But I don't have the guts to do otherwise.
So, Go figure.
|||
DELF A2 and B1 in a few days.
|||
Real freedom on the 10th ! (:
And we get to start on the lists too! both m-k + a-k versions (:
||
I dread the 22nd.
|||
But for everything ugly and gruesome and unpleasant in life, there is something beautiful:
Simon + Garfunkel is LOVE.
The sun is burning in the sky
strands of clouds go slowly drifting by
in the park the lazy bees are drowning in the lfowers amng the tress
and the sun burns int he sky
now the sun is the west
little kids go home to take their rest
and the couples in the park
are holding hands and waitin' for the dark
and the sun is in the west
now the sun is sinking low
children play and know its time to go
high above a spot appears
a little blossom blooms and then draws near
and the sun is sinking low
now the sun has come to earth
shrouded in a mushroom cloud of death
death comes in a blinding flash
of hellish heat and leaves a smear of ash
and the sun has come to earth
now the sun as disappeared
all is darkness anger pain and fear
twisted sightless wrecks of men
go groping on their knees and cry in pain
and the sun has disappeared
of doing the practical thing.
But I don't have the guts to do otherwise.
So, Go figure.
|||
DELF A2 and B1 in a few days.
|||
Real freedom on the 10th ! (:
And we get to start on the lists too! both m-k + a-k versions (:
||
I dread the 22nd.
|||
But for everything ugly and gruesome and unpleasant in life, there is something beautiful:
Simon + Garfunkel is LOVE.
The sun is burning in the sky
strands of clouds go slowly drifting by
in the park the lazy bees are drowning in the lfowers amng the tress
and the sun burns int he sky
now the sun is the west
little kids go home to take their rest
and the couples in the park
are holding hands and waitin' for the dark
and the sun is in the west
now the sun is sinking low
children play and know its time to go
high above a spot appears
a little blossom blooms and then draws near
and the sun is sinking low
now the sun has come to earth
shrouded in a mushroom cloud of death
death comes in a blinding flash
of hellish heat and leaves a smear of ash
and the sun has come to earth
now the sun as disappeared
all is darkness anger pain and fear
twisted sightless wrecks of men
go groping on their knees and cry in pain
and the sun has disappeared
- Mood:
blah
It has been non-stop activities since the semester ended - shopping for birthday gifts, peer helpers retreat, window shopping, uni-y exco retreat. Have been away from home for almost 4 days, and now I'm finally back to catch a breather before I go full swing again.
Last night at the retreat, they decided to screen a movie in the classroom. Choice of movie: A Walk To Remember. Initially I thought it would be okay to watch the movie a second time. But it was when the movie started playing and Mandy started singing that I realised that I wasn't able to bring myself to watch it again. For the very reason that it is your favourite movie, I was quite overwhelmed by the amount of memories it managed to surface fresh in my head. So I just closed my eyes and forced myself to go to sleep. Then I woke up at 4am to find the show at its closing scene where the father was talking to Lendon. At that moment, I found myself remembering the line "you were her miracle" and how I felt when I first watched the show. My friends were sobbing and their sniffles interrupted my train of thoughts.
Then I decided that I just needed to fall asleep
Last night at the retreat, they decided to screen a movie in the classroom. Choice of movie: A Walk To Remember. Initially I thought it would be okay to watch the movie a second time. But it was when the movie started playing and Mandy started singing that I realised that I wasn't able to bring myself to watch it again. For the very reason that it is your favourite movie, I was quite overwhelmed by the amount of memories it managed to surface fresh in my head. So I just closed my eyes and forced myself to go to sleep. Then I woke up at 4am to find the show at its closing scene where the father was talking to Lendon. At that moment, I found myself remembering the line "you were her miracle" and how I felt when I first watched the show. My friends were sobbing and their sniffles interrupted my train of thoughts.
Then I decided that I just needed to fall asleep
- Mood:
nostalgic
i would just like to say that the ten dollars i spent on new moon tonight is possibly the best investment i have made all. freaking. year. (well, the cookleta concert of epic awesomeness aside.)
thank you, taylor lautner, for your beautiful, beautiful abs.
if i wasn't leaving for japan tomorrow, i would be going back for a second viewing. (why yes, i am that easy.)
thank you, taylor lautner, for your beautiful, beautiful abs.
if i wasn't leaving for japan tomorrow, i would be going back for a second viewing. (why yes, i am that easy.)
- Mood:
horny
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Page Summary
- wolleymous : (no subject) [+0]
- stephoosaurus : #301 [+0]
- __prototype : long live the car crash hearts [+0]
- strangehighways : (no subject) [+0]
- wolleymous : free hugs [+4]
- strangehighways : zouk [+0]
- violetquiche : je me suis jalouse ): [+0]
- violetquiche : In 5 years this will not matter [+2]
- violetquiche : I am not going to Paris. [+0]
- strangehighways : this week [+1]
- epicflailer : greetings from kyoto! [+2]
- violetquiche : OVER OVER OVER [+4]
- strangehighways : (no subject) [+0]
- _bwahahaha : H&M [+6]
- missporcelain : After great pain, a formal feeling comes. [+0]
- missporcelain : I heart LJ. [+0]
- _bwahahaha : Denmarkkk [+6]
- violetquiche : Pragmatism [+0]
- wolleymous : Re treat, un wind, re wind [+0]
- epicflailer : (no subject) [+2]